Had the urge to pen down my thoughts again these few days. I guess I'm always like that. The "urges" just come and go and very soon, this blog will be left on its own again :)
So the "NOC Journey" so far had been full of ups and downs for me. The varying levels of emotions had never been so wide-ranging until now. I've been through a bad internship, the process of looking for a new internship, fighting to continue my stay here, starting with a great internship and now, fighting to extend my stay.
Each of these had never been easy but on hindsight, I'm glad all of them happened. It kind of showed me how important it is to just hold on to a faith and continue to hope for the best. That something great will happen somehow. That everything will turn out to be fine. So this phrase is pretty true afterall.
I feel that I had grown over these months. More resilient, more hopeful. And probably a little more resourceful. I came here knowing nobody, having no help from the outside and now, I know of a few mentors, have a great CEO, and knowing the Stanford profs. I had never been on close terms with profs before. Didn't see the point but now I understand it is important to talk to them. Not to just forge a relationship but more of learning and understanding them.
Currently going through the process of extending my visa. It is very (extremely) frustrating. The US system is in a mess and everytime I call, I'm always given a different number to try. And when I get to the right dept, the stupid automated operator will give me tons of options to listen and the worst of all, there's no option to just talk to a HUMAN operator. Seriously that's all that I need. A human to talk to. Why is it so difficult? urghs.
It seems like there's a lot of barriers I'll have to go through to get this extension done. I'm not even sure if legally im allowed to do so. I've also yet to ask my parents about it. So many things undone. But thinking back, this idea of staying longer is so vastly different from months back, when I'm kinda dying to go back. To my comfort zone. I've no idea where does this urge of wanting to stay is coming from. I only know I want to extend and I'm trying ways and means to do that right now.
Emailed Speedwing already. Shall see what reply I get from them.. :)
Peace out!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Thursday, August 14, 2008
guilty. disappointed.
This is my second week in california, USA but my first personal blog entry. Hah. I actually needed to talk to someone today. just anyone. to rid off my thoughts. I screwed up an order in the company and i'm feeling so bad right now. My boss was nice enough to say that it was a good thing that i made mistakes so that i can learn from it but he did mention we almost lost that company's account. That made me felt even worst. Gonna dread going work tmr.
Perhaps I havent came in my all to the company yet. Too slack. The attitude is not right. Probably cos I was influenced by what i've heard about the company even before i came and therefore this laid-back attitude was forged. I'm gonna change it from tomorrow onwards. Work first, anything else second. I guess no matter how slack a job might be, it is still good to finish it up and just get things going.
I don't wanna be deemed as useless. That's actually one of the weak points I have - dread making mistakes. And becos of this, I'm always afraid of trying. We had a networking session today with Mei Lin, who is an outstanding networker. She went through quite a few things with us but didnt really touch on my problem. When she asked us to decide whether we are introvert, extrovert or abit of both, I stood in the middle, slightly towards the extrovert. And so I was wondering what is my barrier to become an extrovert. Despite all the reasons like "don't know how to start a convo" etc, I realise for me, it links back to the fact that im afraid of making mistakes. For this context, I'm scared that i will say the wrong/stupid stuff and make a joke out of myself. This is actually a more personal barrier so i guess only i can help myself.
The thing i've realised about the valley is that the culture here is definitely more tolerant towards mistakes than sg. If i had made the same mistake in a sg company, i most prob would have been scolded upside down. I'll definitely have to just pluck up the courage and try talking to people. Stepping out of that barrier will be very impt for me. And i shldnt be afraid of making mistakes. Like what koh had said before, "what's the worst that can happen?"
On another note, i'm actually pretty pissed/disappointed right now. i needed someone to talk to and my buddy promised to call me back but he didnt. i dunno. sigh.
Perhaps I havent came in my all to the company yet. Too slack. The attitude is not right. Probably cos I was influenced by what i've heard about the company even before i came and therefore this laid-back attitude was forged. I'm gonna change it from tomorrow onwards. Work first, anything else second. I guess no matter how slack a job might be, it is still good to finish it up and just get things going.
I don't wanna be deemed as useless. That's actually one of the weak points I have - dread making mistakes. And becos of this, I'm always afraid of trying. We had a networking session today with Mei Lin, who is an outstanding networker. She went through quite a few things with us but didnt really touch on my problem. When she asked us to decide whether we are introvert, extrovert or abit of both, I stood in the middle, slightly towards the extrovert. And so I was wondering what is my barrier to become an extrovert. Despite all the reasons like "don't know how to start a convo" etc, I realise for me, it links back to the fact that im afraid of making mistakes. For this context, I'm scared that i will say the wrong/stupid stuff and make a joke out of myself. This is actually a more personal barrier so i guess only i can help myself.
The thing i've realised about the valley is that the culture here is definitely more tolerant towards mistakes than sg. If i had made the same mistake in a sg company, i most prob would have been scolded upside down. I'll definitely have to just pluck up the courage and try talking to people. Stepping out of that barrier will be very impt for me. And i shldnt be afraid of making mistakes. Like what koh had said before, "what's the worst that can happen?"
On another note, i'm actually pretty pissed/disappointed right now. i needed someone to talk to and my buddy promised to call me back but he didnt. i dunno. sigh.
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