guilty. disappointed.

This is my second week in california, USA but my first personal blog entry. Hah. I actually needed to talk to someone today. just anyone. to rid off my thoughts. I screwed up an order in the company and i'm feeling so bad right now. My boss was nice enough to say that it was a good thing that i made mistakes so that i can learn from it but he did mention we almost lost that company's account. That made me felt even worst. Gonna dread going work tmr.

Perhaps I havent came in my all to the company yet. Too slack. The attitude is not right. Probably cos I was influenced by what i've heard about the company even before i came and therefore this laid-back attitude was forged. I'm gonna change it from tomorrow onwards. Work first, anything else second. I guess no matter how slack a job might be, it is still good to finish it up and just get things going.

I don't wanna be deemed as useless. That's actually one of the weak points I have - dread making mistakes. And becos of this, I'm always afraid of trying. We had a networking session today with Mei Lin, who is an outstanding networker. She went through quite a few things with us but didnt really touch on my problem. When she asked us to decide whether we are introvert, extrovert or abit of both, I stood in the middle, slightly towards the extrovert. And so I was wondering what is my barrier to become an extrovert. Despite all the reasons like "don't know how to start a convo" etc, I realise for me, it links back to the fact that im afraid of making mistakes. For this context, I'm scared that i will say the wrong/stupid stuff and make a joke out of myself. This is actually a more personal barrier so i guess only i can help myself.

The thing i've realised about the valley is that the culture here is definitely more tolerant towards mistakes than sg. If i had made the same mistake in a sg company, i most prob would have been scolded upside down. I'll definitely have to just pluck up the courage and try talking to people. Stepping out of that barrier will be very impt for me. And i shldnt be afraid of making mistakes. Like what koh had said before, "what's the worst that can happen?"

On another note, i'm actually pretty pissed/disappointed right now. i needed someone to talk to and my buddy promised to call me back but he didnt. i dunno. sigh.